The River's Just a River
by Jubalii
Summary: She loved playing the imagination game, but more often than not she was left in tears. Just a little something I made on the fly.


Author's Note: (munches apple) Hi! Dif is da (swallows) Sorry. This is the first songfic I've ever wrote. I'll post the lyrics at the end, just in case you're like me and you hate having to read around lyrics. T_T  
Here's a fun fact about me: I adore musicals. I love Miss Saigon. I love Phantom of the Opera. But I love Les Miserables most out of them all. I enjoyed the book, I love the song lyrics, I love the original Broadway Cast**; I EVEN LIKED RUSSELL CROWE'S PERFORMANCE**_. _I don't care what you say about him, _Stars_ will always be one of my favorites, and I love the way he sang that. His acting was pretty good, too. But all that aside, I love Les Miserables.  
The basis to this one-shot is the song _On My Own_ which is sung by Eponine. It's a song of unrequited love, but when I listened to it this last time all I heard was Seras Victoria. I realized, "Yeah, I can make a fiction out of this." And so here it is. This is based during the gap between the defeat of Millennium and Alucard's return.

* * *

Seras Victoria walked slowly down the street. She wasn't used to wearing civilian clothing anymore seeing as her Hellsing uniform was usually her attire, but since Sir Integra had ordered her to "blend in with the humans" during her mission in London military attire just didn't cut it. Instead she walked along in jeans and a long-sleeved sweater that hid her missing arm to all but the most scrutinizing. She turned her head and gazed at the murky Thames, which appeared to be sparkling in the bright lights. She smiled softly and made her way to a darker portion of the river. The darkness felt like a caress, hiding her and embracing her comfortably. She almost purred in her happiness, glad to be out of the bright lights. A part of her went back to when she would have never gone willingly out of the "safety" of the lamps that lit the avenue.

She always laughed at herself when she thought about how silly she'd been back when she first became a Draculina. She had always tried to turn back to her human characteristics, ignoring her newer, more volatile instincts. _No wonder Master had been so rough on me, _she thought as she slinked in the darkness, her crimson eyes aglow. It had taken almost a decade after the Count had disappeared before she gave up, accepting what she was for her own health. Now that she drank blood freely, gotten stronger, and learned interesting things like phasing and morphing on her own, she often wondered what the big deal had been with giving up her human food. She hadn't lost her humanity by drinking blood; she had lost it when she died and came back to life. Even more so, she had gained something by accepting what she was and even going so far as to embrace it. She didn't have to be the violence-hungry creature her Master was to be a true vampire. She even looked forward to his return so that she could show him what she had become.

Still gazing at the river, she began to walk again, playing the little imagination game she had often found herself drifting into in her boredom. She imagined that Integra was beside her, talking about how she couldn't see a damn thing in the darkness. Her thoughts shifted to Pip, who would have been talking aimlessly about how everything was better in France, even the rivers- although he wouldn't have meant it insultingly. Then she slipped into her most heart-wrenching fantasy; her Master was walking beside her in her mind's eye, his great overcoat billowing behind them as they walked at a slow, leisurely pace.

She imagined him as they strolled in comfortable silence, his glasses hiding his eyes and keeping her from discerning his mood. She closed her eyes, falling deeper into her own imagination.

* * *

_She stood against the riverbank, unsure of the way and wary of the moving water only inches from her feet. She closed her eyes, trying to get her bearings when he came to her. She smelled him first; a warm, antique scent that made her feel secure no matter where they were. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to smile up at him. _

"_Master." He gave her a nod and a smirk, letting her go to turn and walk down along the bank. She followed, catching up and walking in step with him. It had begun to rain, dripping off his hat and down her back, but she didn't feel the cold like a human would have. Instead, they ignored it and made their way to a small street that led up to a bridge. The rain made the pavement glisten as the tiny gravels that were carried by shoes from the creek crunched underneath their boots. She slipped her hand through his elbow, trusting him to guide her as she turned back to glance at the river from their higher viewpoint. The lights from the other side of London were splayed across the moving surface, dispersing and reforming with the raindrops. She smiled at the enchanting sight before taking quicker steps so as not to fall behind and get her arm pulled off. _

_They had reached a small park by now and the trees-still barren from the winter although spring was fast approaching-let soft pools of light shine through from the avenue. Staring up at them, she thought that it looked like starlight against the thin limbs. She grinned, wrapping herself closer to his arm. This was hers for eternity, if she so chose it. She didn't mind being a servant, if it meant getting to walk side-by-side with her Master, the greatest vampire ever to roam the Earth. She heard him chuckle as her thoughts were unknowingly broadcast over the mental bond they shared. _

"_Yes, forever-and-forever Police Girl, although I do wish that you'd become independent sometime before Judgment Day," he teased mentally. She shrugged before a particularly large drop of water off a tree landed in her eye. She stopped, rubbing it with an aggravated expression before blinking. He considered her for a moment before taking the hat off his head and placing it on her gently. He took her arm and began walking again, ignoring the drops that now landed on his nose instead of hers. _

She opened her eyes, standing under the trees. There wasn't any rain, only thick red tears that ran in messy rivulets down her face. She wiped them, sniffing as she berated herself for the fanciful illusion. She was only talking to herself; her Master wasn't here, and would never give up his hat anyway. Even though he was gone now-well, even when he was at Hellsing he never gave her much mind, preferring to spend his time with Integra or even Walter if not by himself.

_I know all that, and still I lead myself into these illusions, pipedreams of what will never be. Why do I always say that there's a way for us to be together? We were never meant to be that way._ She chastised herself for being a silly, love-struck girl before it hit her. Love-struck. _I love him._

* * *

She stood, facing the river as she pondered this epiphany. She frowned as she noticed the sun beginning to peek over the eastern edge of the city, dying the sky a light pink hue. She had wasted the entire night on dreams; this wasn't going to go over well with Sir Integra…. She glanced once more at the Thames- the once beautiful river now looked flat and ugly, its murky depths no longer an enchanting fairy-light show. The trees blew in the breeze, their barren limbs looking twisted and mocking. She sighed as she moved back toward the almost deserted avenue, avoiding the drunken staggers of late-night partygoers.

It really was stupid, the fact that she kept imagining her Master having any more love for her than he had for a wayward puppy who just happened to stick around. She knew that when he came back (when, not if, because he _would_ return), he'd ask her once more to drink his blood. She was sure that she'd accept this time; she'd already proven that as a vampire she could survive on her own. But when she did, he'd have no more use for her. Without her, his life could be as it was before-and she'd be alone again just like she'd been almost all her life.

_It's okay. I can handle being alone again. I've done it before, _she assured herself as she began to jog, outrunning the rising sun. Reaching her hotel room, she took off her clothes and got into her coffin. She sighed, her mind already sluggish from the sun. She considered the night's thoughts as she relaxed: _I might love him, but I'll always be unrequited. It's okay, Seras. You'll just go on, like you always have. I'll be a vampire on my own. _

* * *

Afterword: Well shoot. Have I given a whole new outlook on the song? I just gave myself one. T_T Oh well. I hoped you enjoyed it, even if it was pretty much Alucard-less. I'll make it up to you later, okay?  
_**Look this song up on YouTube.**_ Samantha Barks plays Eponine in the new movie and the play, and she's beautiful at her acting. Plus, this is just a good song. Can you see Seras in it? I didn't think about it until the lines **"without me, his world will on turning/a world that's full of happiness that I have never known"**. For some reason I just saw Seras in those lines, talking about Alucard (even though his life isn't particularly happy.) And of course, the title is from the line of the song: **he is gone/the river's just a river**. Okay, here's those darn lyrics.

_On My Own_

_On my own, pretending he's beside me._

_All alone, I walk with him till morning. _

_Without him, I feel his arms around me_

_and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me._

_In the rain, the pavement shines like silver._

_All the lights are misty in the river. _

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight _

_and all I see is him and me forever and forever. _

_And I know it's only in my mind. _

_That I'm talking to myself and not to him._

_And although I know that he is blind_

_Still I say "there's a way for us" _

_I love him- but when the night is over, _

_He is gone; the river's just a river. _

_Without him, the world around me changes: _

_The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. _

_I love him, but every day I'm learning_

_all my life I've only been pretending._

_Without me his world will go on turning;_

_A world that's full of happiness that I have never known._

_I love him._

_I love him. _

_I love him, but only on my own._

_._


End file.
